Habit #5 – Listen First, Speak Next

Covey’s Habit #5 – Seek First to Understand, then to be Understood
Christian Habit #5 – Listen First, Speak Next

Dr. Covey lists “Seek First to Understand, then to be Understood” as the fifth habit of highly effective people. Likewise as we continue the series on the 7 habits of Highly Effective Christians, the fifth habit is to “Listen First, Speak Next”.

Most of us like to be heard and we pay little attention to what others are saying. We always try to have the final word. We like others to see how eloquent and wise we are. We seldom take time to be quite and listen to the other person. Some of us even complete other people’s statements as we suffer from what I call the “Me, Myself and I” syndrome. Before I point fingers at anyone, I must admit that I am personally guilty of all of the above. It is a struggle for me to be quite when someone is talking. I like to talk and rarely listen. But I have been learning some invaluable truths as the Holy Spirit is teaching me through God’s word.

James counsels us that the tongue needs to be tamed (James 3:2-6). The psalmist tells us that we ought to be still and know that God is God (Psalm 46:10). We are told to not be rash with our mouth, and let not our heart be hasty to utter any thing before God: for God is in heaven, and we upon earth: therefore let our words be few (Ecclesiastes 5:2). Additionally, those in business settings may already know this – “Silence is a powerful weapon when negotiating”. Next time you are in a meeting negotiating, keep silent and see how much power shifts toward you.

We are also told that there is a time to keep silence, and a time to speak (Ecclesiastes 3:7) and when we speak, let us ensure that whatever we speak imparts grace and edifies the hearer (Ephesians 4:29). The words we speak must be in an apt manner (at the right time), carefully chosen (with the right words), with a humble and meek heart (right attitude) as apples of gold in settings of silver (Proverbs 25:11).

Point(s) to ponder:

Ever wonder why we are designed by God to have two ears and one mouth. We must listen twice as much as we speak. But we need not always use words to speak. Remember when Jesus was asked of his opinions to condemn the woman caught in the act of adultery, he spoke volumes without saying a single word.

To be a highly effective Christian, we must seek first to understand and then to be understood. We can do this by listening first and speaking next (with or without words).

Ecclesiastes 5:2 (KJV)
² Be not rash with thy mouth, and let not thine heart be hasty to utter any thing before God: for God is in heaven, and thou upon earth: therefore let thy words be few.

Ephesians 4:29 (KJV)
²⁹ Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.